the fruit police
we’d made it across death valley, our wallets had survived las vegas, we’d coped with the heat of the mojave desert but we nearly blew it all on the run into los angeles. we weren’t even going to los angeles but that only underlines the efficiency of the fruit police, the californian crack squad. driving along highway 14 the signs read “all vehicles pull over for agricultural check”. with no more warning we are stopped by a uniform with sunglasses and a holster and a revolver.
“any fruit?”
i turned to jo to ask her to confirm that we had none – why did i do that, i should have instantly barked “no” and we’d have been on our way but no – a slight hesitation by me, enough for the fruit police to notice a chink in the armour.
“i don’t think so……………… have we jo?”
“no i don’t think so”
“are you sure?…..no apples, plums, melons”
“er……no”
“no oranges, bananas, grapes?”
“er”
“nectarines, tangerines, lemons, pineapples, blackberries”
“no no”
……..we eventually made it through but only to hear in a news report on national radio one week later that a fruit fly was being held down the coast on big sur. terribly efficient those fruit police.
– vonovitch